Hm. So I just went through and reread my archives here. A lot has changes in three years.

Seeing that post from the end of first semester freshman year really brought back a lot of memories, a lot of good nostalgia. I don't think I've ever been that enthusiastic about life before, and maybe that's the feeling I'm subconsciously trying to recreate this final year in high school. I have been more active in my activities, doing more of what I think feels right, and just taking life by the horns and doing whatever it is you do to something after you grab it by the horns. As I said before, "nothing's gonna ruin [this Christmas]", as at that time I had for the first time ever actually done well in school. And though I didn't mention it at the time, I had become agnostic by then; soon I would become atheist, yet another major change. The following semester brought more academic success, yet also more social failure. A failed crush on a girl named Alex, and some friends rejecting me, ultimately caused me to shy away from being social for a whole year. Even with this foresight, I still envy that ambition for life I once had.

I was recently looking at the report card from the first semester of my sophomore year. It had all As, except for a B in AP Euro (on which final I got an A). This made me recall how ecstatic I was at the time. It was not merely because I had gotten good grades. For the first time in my life, I proved to myself that I could succeed in difficult classes. I was smart, capable, and fairly independent. This was such a powerful affirmation of existence in general that I pursued school with a revitalized zeal. I went on to get a 5 on the AP Euro exam after months of much studying. On top of that, I began pursuing numerous independent courses of study: calculus, chemistry, and Latin.

Things have changed so much. And here I am, in my senior year, about to head off to college in about 8 months. And I look back on these years in high school, and recall all the good times, the bad. The new experiences, significant personal changes, all of which have had an enormous impact on me. Yet, has there been much of a change? I think ultimately my goal all along has been not to be accepted, but to accept life with a passion. I recall my enormous zeal for video games of years past, and all my social flounders, and academic successes. And for what has this all been? Perhaps some level of self-fulfillment. Ultimately, to say I have done that. I know what it's like. And it's not all bad.

Okay, so I'd be fooling myself to say that the same things have motivated me consistently for three years. I've changed a lot (for the third time). I'm thankful for my own changes, containing a mixture of disillusionment and enlightenment. I've sort of halphazardly gained some important life lessons. I never went about saying "Hey, I wanna become independent now!" or "Hm, I should definitely think about a major life change." They just sort of happened. And, well, I've turned out okay. I'm on the verge of being independent from my parents, and am about to pursue my own education. For what goal? Perhaps merely a professorship, perhaps for knowledge. To those of you who aren't yet seniors in high school, I think my advice would be to live life as you see fit. Pursue opportunities if you want--or don't. Don't get wrapped up in trivial stuff, just use the time however you think is good. Don't be afraid of living, and regret what you never did or should have done. There's plenty more to live, and it's quite the experience.

Hm. So I just went through and reread my archives here. A lot has changes in three years.

Seeing that post from the end of first semester freshman year really brought back a lot of memories, a lot of good nostalgia. I don't think I've ever been that enthusiastic about life before, and maybe that's the feeling I'm subconsciously trying to recreate this final year in high school. I have been more active in my activities, doing more of what I think feels right, and just taking life by the horns and doing whatever it is you do to something after you grab it by the horns. As I said before, "nothing's gonna ruin [this Christmas]", as at that time I had for the first time ever actually done well in school. And though I didn't mention it at the time, I had become agnostic by then; soon I would become atheist, yet another major change. The following semester brought more academic success, yet also more social failure. A failed crush on a girl named Alex, and some friends rejecting me, ultimately caused me to shy away from being social for a whole year. Even with this foresight, I still envy that ambition for life I once had.

I was recently looking at the report card from the first semester of my sophomore year. It had all As, except for a B in AP Euro (on which final I got an A). This made me recall how ecstatic I was at the time. It was not merely because I had gotten good grades. For the first time in my life, I proved to myself that I could succeed in difficult classes. I was smart, capable, and fairly independent. This was such a powerful affirmation of existence in general that I pursued school with a revitalized zeal. I went on to get a 5 on the AP Euro exam after months of much studying. On top of that, I began pursuing numerous independent courses of study: calculus, chemistry, and Latin.

Things have changed so much. And here I am, in my senior year, about to head off to college in about 8 months. And I look back on these years in high school, and recall all the good times, the bad. The new experiences, significant personal changes, all of which have had an enormous impact on me. Yet, has there been much of a change? I think ultimately my goal all along has been not to be accepted, but to accept life with a passion. I recall my enormous zeal for video games of years past, and all my social flounders, and academic successes. And for what has this all been? Perhaps some level of self-fulfillment. Ultimately, to say I have done that. I know what it's like. And it's not all bad.

Okay, so I'd be fooling myself to say that the same things have motivated me consistently for three years. I've changed a lot (for the third time). I'm thankful for my own changes, containing a mixture of disillusionment and enlightenment. I've sort of halphazardly gained some important life lessons. I never went about saying "Hey, I wanna become independent now!" or "Hm, I should definitely think about a major life change." They just sort of happened. And, well, I've turned out okay. I'm on the verge of being independent from my parents, and am about to pursue my own education. For what goal? Perhaps merely a professorship, perhaps for knowledge. To those of you who aren't yet seniors in high school, I think my advice would be to live life as you see fit. Pursue opportunities if you want--or don't. Don't get wrapped up in trivial stuff, just use the time however you think is good. Don't be afraid of living, and regret what you never did or should have done. There's plenty more to live, and it's quite the experience.